saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
