He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
