Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
