after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
