as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
