You can't motorboat a personality
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
