my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
