I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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