I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
