Welp...herpes.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
