Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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