I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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