Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
