Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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