My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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