Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
