this boner is exhausting
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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