Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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