did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
