Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
