last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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