Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
