Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
