So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
