Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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