The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
