you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
