I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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