Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
