dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
