My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
