What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
