have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
