We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
