So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
