it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
