just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
