Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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