How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
