Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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