Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize