Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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