I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
