I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do herpes really smell.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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