I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
