Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
