he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
