How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
