She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
