My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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