All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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