Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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