Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
