put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mom said you looked used
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
