it was like his penis was on wheels.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
