i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
