i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
