I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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