I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
