I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
