Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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