i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize