I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
