any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
