This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
