i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
