she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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