I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
