its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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