Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
