Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
