Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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