Where is the hickey?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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