she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
