Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
