He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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