I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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