If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
