I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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